Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Randomize
