I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Randomize
