my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
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