you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
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