did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
