Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
