we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
