dude i'm inner monologue high
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Randomize