Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
