Pants 0. Shit 1.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Randomize
