I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Randomize
