Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
