i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Randomize
