She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Randomize