i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
