I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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