she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
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