I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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