I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
