four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
