Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
