I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
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