I hate your face
What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
