there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize