why didn't you poke me back
I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Randomize
