i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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