Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
