So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
