that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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