found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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