She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
