I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
