My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
