To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
