So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I am available for nakedness
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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