I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
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