I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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