The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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