Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
why is half of my head shaved?
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