Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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