My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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