I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize