i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
