i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
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