i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I have aggressive nipples.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Randomize
