chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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