I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
