She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Randomize
