seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Randomize
