At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Randomize
