i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
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