They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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