It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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