I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
