So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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