OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
