Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
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