Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
