There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
