my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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