happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
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