We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
You left your phone here
Wait...
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
