Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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