So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
