Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I deserve this hangover.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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