Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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