90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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