Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Randomize
