i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
