david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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