we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Randomize
