We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
there is glitter all over my balls
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
