Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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