Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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