Whats the glycemic index on semen?
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Randomize
