an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
