grandma shit on top of the toilet
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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