last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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