remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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