no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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