why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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