ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
