Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
