I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Randomize
