I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
