Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
is this the sara with the beer cane?
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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