Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
