If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
