Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
