a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize