the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Randomize
