This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
only if we run a train.
done.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
