I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
