this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Randomize