You just made me feel so damn special
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize