Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
