i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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