omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Randomize
