i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize