What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize
