This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
