Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
what day is it and did you see me today?
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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