I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Randomize
