You kept calling me your small dog last night.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize