some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
