Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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