so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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