No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
